


The First Thaw

by unsernameinuse



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-09-02 11:38:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8666107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unsernameinuse/pseuds/unsernameinuse
Summary: Leonard tried not to give anything away but it was hard when Barry looked at him that way. Under that gaze even the coldest, hardest parts of him thawed a little.





	

“-and I cannot figure out  _ why  _ for the life of me!” Barry punctuated his last statement by slamming the lab door. 

If Leonard was anyone else he would have flinched. Instead he stood still in the center of the room, tracking Barry’s frantic pacing with his impassive gaze.

“Aren’t you the one always going on about how violence doesn’t solve things?” he said calmly.

“I said killing people doesn’t solve things,” Barry said, his voice tight and low. “violence is the right solution for some problems.”  The look he sent over his shoulder made it clear he was considering categorizing his boyfriend as one of those problems.

Leonard sighed. “Look, Barry, I’m sorry I lied-”

“See no, that..that’s the problem,” Barry interrupted with a raised hand. “You’re still lying. You’re  _ not  _ sorry, you’re  _ never  _ sorry. Do you know how I know?” He did not give Leonard the chance to answer. “I know because as soon as you have the opportunity to lie again, you  _ do _ .” His voice rose with every syllable. Leonard could practically hear the red and yellow lightning crackling in his eyes.

“You knew who I was when we started this.” Leonard said steadily. He didn’t look up but he could hear that for the first time this evening Barry had stopped moving.

“I know,” Barry said softly. Leonard knew that tone. Resignation. He saw Barry curl his hands into fists to stop them from shaking. That and the way even the laces on his sneakers drooped in defeat made a small part of Leonard cry out in protest. That little bit of sentimentality he’d never quite managed to stomp out wanted to pull Barry into his arms and promise he’d never lie or steal again just to take the disappointment out of his eyes.

But that was only a small part. The rest of him had honed itself for a lifetime to stifle every sign of weakness. That part of him beat the hell out of the other part and shoved it in a locker somewhere down deep.

“You infuriate me, you know that?” Barry said, still in that soft tone of voice. He stepped closer until their eyes were level. Leonard tried not to give anything away but it was hard when Barry looked at him that way. Under that gaze, even the coldest hardest parts of him thawed a little. “You’re egotistical, you’re theatrical, and you have no idea how to cope with human emotions. You’re always plotting something, you barely open up, and you’re always,  _ always  _ lying.” he stopped to take a deep breath. “And for the life of me, I can’t figure out why I like you so much.”

In the aftermath of this small speech, Leonard had nothing to say in his own defense. He wanted to communicate the confusing storm of emotions currently (always) raging inside of him. The way he felt fundamentally torn between two needs.

One was to keep Barry at arms length because that’s the way he survived. Never let them get close. But that was before. And now there was a second side that wanted nothing more than to become the man Barry saw in him and never look back. 

Then wrapped around those two urges, never letting him decide between one was fear. Fear he kept locked down tight and tried not to let affect him, but there all the same. The primal fear he had developed in his childhood. It came out when he thought Lisa was in danger, when a member of his crew was in trouble. When Barry looked at him like he might just give up this time.

That fear had held him captive, frozen for most of his life. The only thing that overrode it was anger. And he had plenty of that to go around. It was always there, punishingly cold and overwhelming. It took every ounce of strength he had not to let it take over.

Every ounce of strength he had, and three more things.

First, that part of his mind that turned everything into a puzzle, a problem to solve. It let him step back and look at the pitiful state of his soul with intellectual curiosity, and shelve it as ‘unsolvable, for now.’ That was what had carried him through adolescence.

Second, love for his sister. If not for that, the anger would have taken over long ago and unfeelingly destroyed everything in it’s path.

And lastly, the most recent development. The feeling in his chest he associated with Barry’s smiles.

He hesitated to call it love. Romantic love-at least the kinds he’d previously encountered-was faithless and dangerous. What he felt for Barry was the opposite.

It wasn’t as if Barry cast every other person he cared about in shadow. It was more that in the constellation of his thoughts Barry shined so brightly that it was sometimes hard to look anywhere else.

And if he lost that guiding light now, he wasn’t sure he could re-adjust to the dark in time to repair the damage.

This was the box of worms he opened every time Barry gave him that look and begged him to open up. And he always came to the same conclusion. There was no way to express all of that without it coming out tangled, pathetic, and messy.

Leonard Snart did not do messy.

So he reached out and placed his hands on Barry’s sides, silently asking for permission.  

“Len-you have to say _ something _ .” Barry warned, though his eyes were already softening. When Leonard pulled, he came easily into the embrace. They held on to each other and Leonard hoped Barry could feel everything he wanted to say. The explanation, the apology, the promise to try harder.

All he said was. “I like you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> guess who has waaaaaay too many Leonard Snart feelings?! Ya girl, that's who!  
> Hopefully I've gotten them out of my system for the time being.
> 
> Please let me know what you think!


End file.
